S:DISS-X Basic Practical Program

Selective Dynamic Inquiry System Skills eXperience

Learning How to Help Without Taking Over

If I could introduce you to a simple way of helping people find better next steps — without rushing, advising too soon, or taking over their problem — would you give me a few minutes of your attention?

That is the purpose of this S:DISS-X Basic Practical Program.

S:DISS-X is a practical way to Meet People Where They Are. It helps us slow down, notice what is actually happening, and choose a better helping move before we jump to advice, answers, or solutions.

This basic program focuses on the first three learning levels:

L9 — See the move.

L10 — Recognize the pattern.

L11 — Choose the form under simple conditions.

That means we will not try to teach the whole system at once. We will begin with small, practical demonstrations that help you see how inquiry works in real helping situations.

What Is S:DISS-X?

S:DISS-X refers to the selective use of seven forms of inquiry.

These forms are not “the seven skills.” That distinction matters.

The seven are forms of inquiry. Skills develop as you practice the forms over time.

The seven forms are:

• PING Insight
• PROBE Belief
• PROMPT RightACTION
• PERMIT Story
• PERTURB Assumptions
• PAUSE & Breathe
• PACE Change

The “S” is very important. It means Selective.

You do not use S:DISS-X all the time. You do not use every form in every conversation. You learn to notice the moment, the person, the problem, and the readiness. Then you select the form that fits.

Why Basic Practice Matters

Most helping goes wrong because we move too fast.

We ask too many questions.
We give advice too soon.
We interpret before we understand.
We solve before the real problem has appeared.
S:DISS-X helps us slow the helping process down.

At the basic level, we practice three things:

Seeing the move
What did the helper actually say or do?

Recognizing the pattern
Was this a PING, PROBE, PROMPT, PERMIT, PERTURB, PAUSE, or PACE?

Choosing the form
What would fit this person, this moment, and this problem?

This is how helping becomes more thoughtful, more respectful, and more useful.

The Basic Helping Stack

For this basic practical work, we will use a simple operating stack:

HUMANING → S:DISS-X → IMULL → pCc/RWAF → MITEAM → RightACTION → SPARC

In plain language:

• We meet the person as a human being.
• We use the S:DISS-X forms selectively.
• We check what matters through IMULL.
• We test capacity and readiness through pCc and RWAF.
• We protect limited resources through MITEAM.
• We support RightACTION.
• We look for SPARC outcomes.

This gives us a practical way to help without taking over.

HUMANING: The Ground of Helping

Before we help, we remember that the person is humaning.

Humaning includes:

• Being
• Doing
• Having
• Becoming
• Contributing
• Guiding
• Reaching out
• Wellth

This matters because we are not applying a technique to an object. We are helping a person who is living inside real conditions, real limits, real motives, and real possibilities.

A basic principle:

Helping must serve humaning.

If helping outruns humaning, the method can become pressure, performance, or control.

IMULL: The Beginner’s Map

IMULL helps us decide whether a helping move has enough value to continue.

IMULL stands for:

• Importance
• Motivation
• Urgency
• Leverage
• Low-Hanging Fruit

In basic practice, IMULL gives us five simple questions to hold in the background:

• Is this important?
• Is there motivation or energy?
• Is there urgency?
• Is there leverage?
• Is there one small enough place to begin?

We do not always ask these questions directly. Often, we listen for them.

IMULL helps us avoid wasting time, energy, attention, and motivation on the wrong problem or the wrong next step.

pCc: Can the Person Carry the Next Move?

At the foundation of this work is pCc:
potential, CAPACITY, capability
pCc helps us notice what the person or system can actually carry.
Potential asks: What may be possible?
CAPACITY asks: What is the real limit or container?
Capability asks: What can be done now with available knowledge, skill, experience, and support?
This matters because helpers often give advice that exceeds the person’s pCc.
When that happens, the advice may sound good, but it is not actionable.

Basic helping principle:

Do not prompt action beyond the person’s current pCc.

RWAF: Is the Person Ready, Willing, Able, and Fit?

RWAF is one of the most important readiness checks in basic S:DISS-X practice.

RWAF stands for:

• Ready
• Willing
• Able
• Fit

Before moving toward action, the helper can silently check:

• Is the person ready?
• Are they willing?
• Are they able?
• Does this fit the person, timing, situation, and conditions?

RWAF helps prevent premature PROMPT.

Sometimes a person has motivation but is not ready.

Sometimes they are ready but not able.

Sometimes they are able but the move does not fit.

Sometimes the system around them will not support the action.

RWAF helps us avoid forcing action before the person and situation can support it.

MITEAM: Every Action Uses Resources

Every action costs something.

MITEAM helps us remember the resources involved:

• Money
• Information
• Time
• Energy
• Attention
• Motivation

People often fail to act not because they do not care, but because they do not have enough MITEAM available.

A good helping move protects MITEAM.

A poor helping move wastes it.

Before giving advice or suggesting action, we need to notice whether the person has enough resources to carry the next step.

RightACTION: The Fitting Next Move

S:DISS-X is not about creating action for action’s sake.

The goal is RightACTION.

RightACTION is the fitting next move under real conditions.

It fits:

• the person
• the problem
• the timing
• the readiness
• the capacity
• the resources
• the system
• the desired result

Sometimes RightACTION is a task.
Sometimes it is a pause.
Sometimes it is a question.
Sometimes it is naming what is not yet clear.
Sometimes it is not acting too soon.
RightACTION is not always bigger action.
It is better-fitted action.

Actionable Help

Help becomes actionable when it attends to four practical realities:

• Behaviors
• Design
• Knowledge, Skill, and Experience
• System Dynamics

This means advice is not enough.

For help to become actionable, the person needs to know what behavior is required, how cause and effect are expected to work, whether they have the needed knowledge and skill, and whether the system supports the action.

If any of these are missing, the advice may fail even if it sounds wise.

CCR@VUCA: The Real Situation Matters

Every helping moment occurs inside real conditions.

CCR@VUCA reminds us to notice:

• Culture
• Conditions
• Requirements
• @ccelarating
• Volatility
• Uncertainty
• Complexity
• Ambiguity

In basic language:

What is the real situation asking for?

Sometimes the issue is not inside the person.

Sometimes the issue is in the culture, conditions, requirements, or system around them.

Good helping does not blame the person for a situation the system is creating.

ARIA(H): Orientation Before Helping

ARIA(H) helps us orient before acting.

• Attention — What are we noticing?
• Relation — How are things connected?
• Intention — What is trying to happen?
• Alignment — What fits now?
• Helping — What support serves without taking over?

The “H” is backgrounded because helping should always be present, but not always leading.

ARIA(H) reminds us that good helping begins with orientation.

SPARC Outcomes

When S:DISS-X is used well, it can support SPARC outcomes:

• Satisfaction
• Purpose
• Awareness
• Results
• Competent Confidence

These outcomes do not always appear all at once. But they give us a way to notice whether the helping process is moving in a useful direction.

Good helping should increase awareness, improve fit, support better action, and strengthen competent confidence.

The Helping Functions

S:DISS-X supports several helping functions:

• Cuing
• Scaffolding
• Supporting
• Lifting
• Protecting
• Guiding
• Reaching Out
• Helping People Have Lives

In basic practice, we begin with the lighter functions first.

Often, the first useful move is not to lift or guide.

It may be only to cue, pause, permit, or pace.

That is why selectivity matters.

BREATHE: Regulation for the Helper

Because helping can create pressure, the helper must learn to regulate.

BREATHE means:

• Breathe
• Relax
• Equilibrate
• Adjust
• Think
• Home
• Evaluate

This is not just a calming technique. It is a way to keep the helper from becoming reactive, performative, or too eager to solve.

The helper’s first work is often to remain clear enough that helping does not become pressure.

What You Will Practice

In this basic practical program, we will use short demonstrations to practice S:DISS-X at L9–L11.

You will learn to:

• see the difference between telling and inquiring
• recognize a PING
• recognize a PROBE
• notice when PROMPT is too early
• use PAUSE and PACE without withdrawing
• avoid turning a signal into a problem too soon
• check IMULL before moving toward action
• use pCc and RWAF to protect readiness
• notice when helping becomes pressure
• support RightACTION without taking over

Each practice will stay small on purpose.

Small moments make the system easier to see.

The Basic Learning Path

L9 — See the Move

At L9, the goal is simple:

See what happened.

Example:

Someone says, “I don’t know where to start.”

A common response is:

“Make a list.”

An S:DISS-X response might be:

“A starting place?”

The first response gives advice.
The second response lightly touches the signal and lets the person continue.

At L9, we learn to see the difference.

L10 — Recognize the Pattern

At L10, we begin to recognize patterns across examples.

A PING often lightly touches something that may matter without forcing the person to explain too soon.

Examples:

“Pressure?”
“A starting place?”
“Not mainly?”
“Usefulness becoming pressure?”

At L10, we learn to recognize the form.

L11 — Choose the Form

At L11, we begin to use simple if–then judgment.

Examples:

If context is not clear, use PING before PROBE.
If urgency is low, do not rush PROMPT.
If readiness is unclear, check RWAF.
If capacity is uncertain, notice pCc.
If the person gives a signal, do not turn it into a problem too soon.

At L11, we begin to choose the form under simple conditions.

Why This Matters

S:DISS-X is not about asking clever questions.

It is about helping people find and solve the right problem at the right time, in the right way, with the right level of support.

It helps the helper avoid three common mistakes:

• Solving too soon
• Interpreting too much
• Asking the person to act beyond their readiness or capacity

The purpose is not to make the helper look skillful.

The purpose is to help the person being helped find RightACTION.

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Our team at Living & Loving Inquiry

Mike R Jay & Gary Gile
Founders @ The NEW LeadU

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3. Disclaimer

Mike R. Jay is a developmentalist utilizing consulting, coaching, advising and helping… emergent from dynamic inquiry as a means to cue, scaffold, support, lift, and protect; offering inspiration to aspiring leaders who are interested in humaning where being, doing, having, becoming, contributing, relating, guiding to produce resilience and wellth help people lead generative lives.